I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
