Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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