Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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