these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize