She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
