Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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