What did we do last night that was yellow?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
