you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dignity is for republicans.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
