Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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