yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
