3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
