Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I color on your dick again?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
