so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
