Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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