I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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