Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He shit in the fireplace
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