idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
