i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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