I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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