Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
