Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize