Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
