The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize