if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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