That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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