Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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