Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
