my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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