i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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