He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
