So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
