Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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