she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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