well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
