Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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