And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
