Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
