Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
