I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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