Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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