My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
