Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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