only you would photoshop your dick
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
