Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
