He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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