Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
