about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
