do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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