yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
