I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
