Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
