Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
