he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
