I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
