i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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