Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
