my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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