flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dear god my vagina.
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