Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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