So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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