Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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