dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
