Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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