I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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