barbara walters just said penis...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
