The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize