i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
