did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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